Outside the box, Inside the pen, Between the lines

God’s doing big things. Please read, support, and pray with me and for this ministry.

www.fmf-vision.tumblr.com

FIVE MINUTE FELLOWSHIP

Last night, through a VERY unexpected phone call, I talked with an old friend of mine whom I haven’t talked to in a very long time. Some time ago, there was some miscommunication and some childish behavior on both of our parts, which resulted in us drifting apart for about a year. This friend mentioned that they felt a conviction in their heart to reconcile our friendship, and after a whole year went by, finally decided to be obedient to the Spirits calling, and gave me a call. As uncomfortable, awkward, and humbling as this may have been for this friend of mine, they were obedient with boldness and with courage. OBEDIENT. 

The Bible is filled with stories and testimonies of how God rewards faithful OBEDIENCE (Hebrews 11 nutshells a few of the classics). And James chapter 2 reminds us of how faith without deeds is as good as dead. My point is this:

Sometime almost 2 years ago, God gave me a vision for a ministry here in Lynchburg/Liberty called “Five Minute Fellowship” (FMF). A ministry that is based on Christ-centered communication, interaction, and prayer for just five minutes, everyday. I got excited about it, I prayed about it, and I even shared about it to a couple of friends and leaders here at school. But when it came down for me to act out this calling, I felt the gripping fear, uncertainty and doubt that would eventually extinguish the fiery passion I had for this community (or the lack thereof). The fear of rejection mostly. The fear that i would approach someone and be laughed at or brushed off as some religious freak or something. So it never happened. I got my comp notebook and labled it and everything…. but thats as far as it went.

All last year it was on the back of my mind. Everytime I would see someone eating lunch by themselves, or everytime I would pass by a maintenance worker who was having a rough day, I just wanted to go up to them with 5 simple words:

“Do you have 5 minutes…?” 

**This friend of mine doesn’t know it, but through their obedience, i find so much conviction and encouragement that can only be from God to be obedient to my calling(s) in life. It gave me the passion and a love that i needed for my school, for this city, and the people in it. To love them and to pray for them, starting at just 5 minutes a day. And it all begins today :D

EVERYDAY, i will:

• pray and be lead to an individual (before noon) …it could be anywhere. Walmart, the dining hall, the library…etc
• approach said person with a simple question of “Do you have 5 minutes?”
• Learn their name, a few random things about them
• Say something kind and encouraging to them
• Ask for and note any prayer requests that they might have
• Pray with them right then and there, and dedicate to praying for them all throughout the day.
• Take a picture with them
• Repeat this process again the next day with a new stranger. 

For every day and every person i meet, i will log it here on this tumblr. 

- my boredom’s got me cornered like the awkward fat kid at prom.

- I don’t text when i walk. thats stupid. i wouldn’t be able to fully see where i am going. but if you see me “texting” when i am walking, it means that i am trying to avoid an awkward confrontation with YOU. Thats right. i would rather endure a potentially harmful accident with partial vision than have to stop and pretend that i am so glad to see you, when in reality, i could care less why we haven’t talked or seen each other in 3 years, what you’ve been up to, and commit to keeping in touch (You can’t possibly think that 703-555-7777 is my real number lol). Who are we kidding, you don’t care either. If you did, we wouldn’t be in this awkward predicament. So i’ll just make like good gossip, and go around and behind you :]

- not to boast or to brag, but i consider myself a very generous person. i love blessing others when i can, whether in service, advice, a few bucks, a meal or two here and there…..whatever. but for the LIFE of me… I CANNOT SHARE. Not that i don’t appreciate its good virtue and practice, its a great idea and concept. But i would rather have my whole sandwich and buy you one for yourself out of my pocket, than share half of mine. i’m a generous guy who cannot share. idk. I’m an oxymoron.   

- I am 22. which means ideally, i should be married in less than 8 years. Pastors usually over marry and end up with wives more attractive than themselves. Especially youth pastors. (Hm, i wonder if pb reads my tumblr…lol). Anyways, i am excited to meet my super duper hot samoneem. I have a feeling she won’t be korean… but she better pick up a korean cookbook at least.

- Recently, 3 kids that were my kindergarden students at church no less than 4 or 5 years ago added me on facebook. there is something seriously wrong about this. 

- My grandmother gives me reason to exercise love, discipline, patience, wisdom, prayer and compassion EVERY SINGLE DAY. As deep and as sentimental as this may sound, i am not sure i am saying this as a good thing. which only means i am not praying enough.

- here is my summer so far: Timothy Internship. YMF Project. Frisbee Golf. i feel so simple yet accomplished.

- lifetime at 2 am is the best. PEACE.

By science and nature, man is an emotional being; It is what makes us human. For every action, there is a reaction, for every call there is a response. Wether we exclaim in joy, or drown in the puddle of our own tears, emotions allow the channel of communication between two or more persons, and often times, even just to ourselves.

One of the most interesting and dynamic of these is the emotion of fear. The element of fear plays the catalyst and root of many life situations and circumstances. Fear can birth a psychological illness, trigger an unexpected burst of courage, create unrealistic expectations, provide a thrill of entertainment, recreation, and amusement, hold one back from reaching a goal or ambition…etc. But apart from all of that, fear is also our own personal security system; a defense mechanism, an innate survival instinct. Say you are walking down a dark alley, and out of nowhere, a stranger with a tough build and figure starts following you incessantly. Unless you’re one badass ninja (or Chuck Norris lol), you would start to feel that wrenching and twisting in your stomach of uncertainty, uneasiness, and intimidation of the unknown. Fear. hm…

Another popular emotion to mention (although considerably detrimental to one’s health, personality, and relationships) is loneliness. Loneliness. Why is it that we feel loneliness? Unlike fear, it seems to be unnatural and almost suffocating in the extreme cases. Man is a relational creature. We have an innate desire for communication, interaction, companionship, relationship, intimacy, acceptance, and networking. And when those factors are absent from our immediate reality, we feel the quiet, cold, and empty torture of loneliness. Consider Chuck Noland (played by Tom Hanks) in the 2000 blockbuster “Cast Away”. After his FedEx company plane crashes, he finds himself washed ashore on a deserted island with no food, no shelter, and no resources except the precious few items/FedEx packages he is able to salvage and innovate to productive instruments of survival. Amongst these dear items was a Wilson brand volleyball. After countless weeks of being stranded alone, he goes crazy and eventually becomes so desperate for companionship that he resorts to making a friend of his volleyball and names it…well, Wilson. In an outlandish way, he develops a very intimate relationship with it, as he gives him a name, forges a face for it, gives it hair out of grass and sticks, and even imaginatively creates a personality for it. These delirious acts are the desperate results and behaviors of a madman, but thats just it. Because we are relational creatures, it is normal and healthy to be socially active, while the contrary is unhealthy and destructive and possibly drive us mad.

So now i beg the question that joins the two together: is it normal/healthy to fear loneliness? No..wait, maybe i don’t want to know the answer. In the spirit of honesty, transparency, and humility, i will admit; i have a fear of loneliness. I have a fear of rejection. I have a fear of abandonment. these three go hand-in-hand and share the same bloodline. When i feel one, i feel all of them.

Why do i have a fear of loneliness? I have tried to justify it with myself with a simple, shallow-hearted response of “Oh, its just because I’m such a people person. I am outgoing by nature, and i love being around people and people enjoy being around me. It’s a good thing.” Is it though? Or is it because once surrounded in a venue of a lively social interaction, for that moment, i don’t need to face the silent invisible demons that haunt me when I’m alone? When i am alone, i have no choice but to face them. There are no distractions, no masks, acts, facades, or productions to hide behind. There is no jokes and laughter to conceal the cries, there is no music, beat, and rhythm to drown out the apathy. 

I guess that is a big reason as to why i love my school and i hate coming “home” to Centreville. I have no real friends here. the last time i had “friends” here was before i became a Christian, before i had morals an values and the integrity to stick to them. At school, i’m constantly surrounded by my friends, and constantly engaging in activities, but at home, i have to face myself- by myself.

When it comes down to it, it is simply a matter of my own growth, progress, wisdom, discipline, and maturity. I like being around people so i can portray a fun, outgoing, joyful me that has it all together and keep myself distracted from the idea that when I’m alone at night, when reality becomes the whisper in the night, i don’t. The plain and simple truth is i am not perfect, but i want people to think i am. I even want to trick myself into believing that i am wiser, smarter, or stronger than i really am…but i am not. But you know what? i don’t have to be. I know who i am, and who i represent. When i accepted Christ into my life at the age of 18, i knew i wasn’t perfect then, and i will never be perfect. That i was naked, weak, hungry and poor, but thats exactly the way God needed me to be to make His lordship in my life prevalent.

Mark 2:17 On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I often reflect upon my vision in youth ministry, and i have SO much to grow and work on, it honestly terrifies me. I have so many of my own personal issues, insecurities and scars. I ask God AND myself “Are you sure this is for me? I still have so much to work on in my own life!” I guess thats why i am where i am. Where i am in life right now, the things that i am experiencing, the virtues and values i am learning, it is all a part of the plan, the measures of the blueprint, the strides of His discipline in my life to get me to be who HE wants me to be. The truth is, i am not all that messed up. Rather, i am simply unfinished. 

I will now go meditate, pray, eat a snack, and watch a movie… yup, you guessed it- by myself :]

“We will never forget. Some may never truly forgive. No one will ever know all the answers. But being united in our tears, hearts, and sorrows, we find the strength and the courage to rise above whatever evil may surround us and into the light of LOVE that drowns out the darkness of hate.”